Un détail que j'ai oublié de mentionner dans mon message précédent : a-t-on une source fiable qui dit que c'est bien le test LAM-ELISA qui a été utilisé dans les environs du lieu de sa mort ? Il y a visiblement bien beaucoup de cas de tuberculose dans le coin, et LAM-ELISA est bien le nom d'un test de dépistage de la tuberculose, l'information semble donc très vraisemblable... mais en lisant différents sites sur l'affaire, j'ai l'impression que des gens ont noté cette coïncidence
et puis que certains sites ont transformé cela en « c'est ce test précis qui a été utilisé dans le quartier », sans qu'une source fiable soit venue confirmer ce rapprochement (d'où ma remarque au sujet du raisonnement à la "six degrés de séparation" : "une fille appelée Elisa Lam est morte dans un certain quartier de Los Angeles"
"il y a eu peu une épidémie de tuberculose dans ce quartier peu après la découverte de son corps"
"l'un des tests de dépistage de la tuberculose porte le même nom qu'elle").
Notez aussi que certains articles font comme si l'épidémie avait éclaté un peu après la découverte de son corps, comme s'il y avait un lien de cause à effet. C'est effectivement vers ce moment-là que la presse a semble-t-il commencé à en (re)parler mais, en réalité, cette épidémie dure depuis des années :
http://www.vaccinations-airfrance.fr/ac ... californie Au passage, la lecture du tumblr d'Elisa Lam est vraiment une expérience étrange et déprimante.
Quelques-uns de ses messages (pas nécessairement dans l'ordre chronologique, la mise en page est assez confuse à ce niveau-là) :
Citer:
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. ~Albert Camus
And that is essentially how I think of the dinner tonight.
NOTHING WENT HORRIBLY WRONG I WAS JUST ANXIETY RIDDEN AND WANTED TO GTFO BUT NO I HAD TO MAKE EYE CONTACT AND CONVERSE ON TOPICS.
So much freakin walking too.
The whole time I had to keep my face neutral and not show how bloody scared I felt. I think my eyes were slightly caught in the headlight deer. Agh, have not had contact with people in a long long time.
Don’t worry the restaurant was one of those dimly lit ones so to establish an intimate ‘ambiance’
I don’t think I like yuppie restaurants. It was in the downtown area and I didn’t realise that all them business people just go to dinner there.
The dad is one of those ‘hip’ older guys, maintaining relevance to the technological innovation creativity things. His girlfriend is an interior decorator and the firm she works at does those rich people’s houses where it’s completely open concept minimalist with $8000 couches. They were nice, funny in the sarcastic manner.
But I was terrified of his dad 10 seconds into meeting him.
It really went bad when he asked, “What are you doing?”
Shit
"So you’re just lying around at home, trying to find yourself?"
Sigh.
It’s the whole self-loathing-defeatist-self-deprecating-we-know-stuff
attitude we, the twentysomethings, all share.
Well what sort of life DO I want to have?
The reality is, I will end up working in a job I won’t like. I will always wonder what the hell I am doing with my life. I will have to pander and listen to assholes and watch them be praised. I will have to deal with stupid people everyday.
Unless I become Amish or join a commune. Or join a convent or monastery.
Perhaps it is this city, this society, this technology, this feeling everyone should do what they want and SHOULD get everything they want. It’s a lie to me. No, you can go after it but nothing is guaranteed. You settle. You lose motivation and energy. And that’s that.
I do need to leave this city but I know it will be the same in any city. Sometimes you look out at the world and you see nothing worth liking. Sometimes I look at myself and see nothing worth liking. The psychiaderp said I need to be comfortable alone, to be my “own best friend”, that way I won’t be needy and depend on other people.
Ahhhh astute observation. I am comfortable alone. I am not comfortable with other people. I am comfortable with my friends but they have their own lives. But you can’t just be alone for months and years. You end up going nuts unless you’re creating something (writing a book, painting, art, you know)
So it might just be that I settle for myself. I might end up alone in my room for years and regret it deeply later on.
Citer:
On school,
I am fairly certain I am kicked out and will not be able to return until I finish such many credits at a college.
I’ve been too chicken to email and find out definitely if I’m no longer eligible.
If I’m out it also means I’m no longer covered by the student health plan meaning I’ll have to pay full price for my meds. Does this mean I can’t see the trick-cyclist anymore? Also since I highly doubt I will be in full-time studies, my student loans will start repayments and accumulate interest. Thankfully I appealed and got reinstated for eligibility so future loans will be possible thank god. I think total loan is around 1500$ and I’d rather just pay the whole thing as opposed to getting a letter every month reminding me ohhh yeah I spent a lot of money to the point I needed to borrow and ensued was by far the worst times of my life.
I think I just shattered young me. WHAT.THE.SHIT????????? I GET KICKED OUT OF UNIVERSITY??!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME????!?! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!? DID YOU START PARTYING???GET CANCER!?!?WTF??(*&#HKASD987(*&@#(&*
However,
I must find out what my situation at school is; it needs to be settled.
I suppose this tumblr has become where I pontificate my twenty-something first world problems to complete strangers I will never meet but will know intimate details about me. This is weird behaviour (willing to write incredibly personal details about my life) but by the logic of human paradoxes, it makes perfect sense why everyone has a blog. So I guess I’m lucky to have been born in this time where we can offer our personal thoughts to strangers and so we’re aware that, you know, there’s other people in the world and they have everyday lives and problems and if you would just listen to their story you would understand these strangers are humans so be nice.
But I suppose I write here as opposed to a diary because I know someone, somewhere will listen to my tormented soul wailing about how sad I am. Oh gosh I’m so emo and I have a xanga no one understands me. Instead I can do that with the bonus of coming across many pictures with writing like ‘I wish I was happy for you but you’re with another person that’s not me’ and it’ll have 50 billion notes so life isn’t punishing only you.
I think, I don’t expect a reply from my audience; I mean I’m pontificating my trivialities. This is a recorded debate I’m having with rational me in which I can’t win because in order to win one side has to lose so why are you obsessing about this anyways.
Also my handwriting is terrible and I type faster than I write.
Also this is way cheaper than paying for a therapist.
Also I get intense satisfaction when I click publish. The invisible words have now become visible!
Citer:
I’m not sleeping well these days. It is actually better because
little sleep > too much sleep
except your eyes are insisting you need to close them. Stupid automatic body responding to stimuli firing neuron to brain signaling chemical hormone transmitting error system needs to restart for survival Darwin
Running on no sleep means I’m too exhausted to listen to that person who says ughhhhh things, moving, so I end up getting out of bed, maybe even getting dressed, maybe even leaving the house, maybe even going to the library to return books that are waaaay overdue.
Since I’m running on this adrenalin, possible manic episode???, my brain is firing on all pistons and I’m coming up with 600 ideas and thoughts and observations and trying to solve world issues and acquire COMPLETE WORLD KNOWLEDGE
so my brain won’t shut up.
I tried reading. Didn’t work. Video games/TV is apparently “bad” because bright screen tells you otherwise.
So I should probably learn some of that yoga they speak of.
However this stupid thing happens where during activity A I can barely keep my eyes open I REALLY NEED TO SLEEP
and then somehow, my brain forgets all of that as soon as I lie down.
I just don’t want to crash and end up sleeping for 40 hours to make up for being more productive than usual by sacrificing sleep.
OK what is on my mind?
I made some ‘epiphanies’ (or it’s because I’m hypomanic and coming up with GRANDOISE IDEAS thinking I’ve figured out how the universe operates OR is it because I’m ADD/ADHD so I’m restless and need what’s NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT. Oh this is an endless debate)
and argued and mulled over things as usual
but instead of hiding and deflecting I charged forward on a wave where my brain is charging so fast it doesn’t have time to deal with your petty issues gosh I’m right now trying to possible-ize everything I can’t be distracted right now.
So you might say I got some actual ‘work’ done.
I’m going to try to sleep again.
Citer:
Today has been one of those blah days full of apathy. Really dangerous too; I can see myself feeling suicidal and it always scares me when I start feeling suicidal.
Reflecting on meeting with old friends yesterday….
it’s just
grade 6 was completely foreshadowing what was to come
and I suppose I’m re-living in some rendition of it (DJ lifesucks hahaha you’re an adult remix)
For whatever reason (OMG CHILDHOOD FREUD) I have an inferiority complex
of which I dawned on me just….sometime now.
And it explains a lot
why I behave the way I do, why I did things in the past, my motivation, my reasoning, my mask, my mannerisms
who I am.
So there’s my epiphany of the day.
I suppose I have accepted that part of me that feels inadequate, so long as I know how it is useful and know that it makes me human and know that is why I try to empathise with people and why I feel emotions so strongly
why rejection and betrayal cut me so deeply
The world seems to exist just to make you feel inadequate. In the universe, you are but a speck. In history you are insignificant anonymous person, another person who dies because of greater forces outside of our control decides things
I guess I learned that earlier than most people.
There is no changing this. It is simply reality.
Sigh
Citer:
Sometimes it hurts a lot and it overwhelms me
There is no explanation, no cause to point and blame.
It just takes over and you’re helpless.
Citer:
Adventures in hypomania Part II
I have been hypomanic since Tuesday.
I HAVE TO GET SOME SLEEP OR I WILL CRASH
and I am so scared of how big of a crash this one will be.
How do I know this is might become THE BIG ONE? My memory is super compromised on present things right now.
It’s just….I understand everything completely. Fellow bipolars, you may be the only ones who will understand what this is like.
With absolute clarity, I understand the universe. My mind isn’t just blown, it’s the hindenburg + hiroshima + nagasaki + san francisco earthquake + a rock concert where the music is so loud your eardrums are bleeding
Like the equivalent of when humans discovered fire but not as big as the Big Bang
And that’s why someone said (see memory fail right here) :
SHIT QUICK GET ME PEN AND PAPER I MUST WRITE THIS DOWN BEFORE I FORGET THIS IDEA WILL NEVER RE-EMERGE BECAUSE MY MEMORY IS FAILING*
ergo my brain is saying :
"I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT TO DO BECAUSE I HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE SLEEPING IS USELESS WHY ARE YOU BLOODY SLEEPING THAT’S SUCH A WASTE OF TIME THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT YOU HAVE FINALLY CONNECTED THE DOTS AND YOU’RE GOING TO LET IT SLIP AWAY SHIT I BET IF YOU WROTE THE WHOLE THING DOWN YOU COULD GET A FREAKIN NOBEL PEACE PRIZE IN ALL THE BLOODY CATEGORIES GAWD WHY HAVEN’T WE EVOLVED TO NOT NEED SLEEP LIKE WE HAVE SHIT TO DO AND LIMITED TIME AND MOST OF IT IS SPENT LYING DOWN JUST BREATHING I MEAN I CAN DO ALL THE LYING DOWN I NEED WHEN I’M DEAD (but not breathing) BREATHING IS SO FREAKIN OVERRATED I SHOULD BE ABLE TO EXIST IN SPACE IN A VACCUM I MEAN IF THE BLOODY MOON CAN DO IT WHY CAN’T I THE MOON IS JUST MADE OF CHEESE ANYWAYS HOLY FUCKING SHIT TWAT MOTHERFUCKER <crotte> TABERNACLE AI YAAAAAAAA I HAVE NEVER SWORN SO MUCH BECAUSE I ‘WASTED’ 4 YEARS AND IT HAS CULMINATED INTO THIS ONE POINT AND YOU ARE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO REMEMBER ALL OF IT TOMORROW LIKE FUCKING HELL SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO DEVOTE THEIR WHOLE LIVES TO GET A PHD IN ORDER TO MAKE A DISCOVERY THAT ADDS THIS TINY LITTLE INFITISIMAL SPECK IN PROGRESS AND YOU HAVE FIGURED OUT EVERY BLOODY THING IN THE SPAN OF 48 HOURS
and that is why another someone (memory fail #1291) said:
You either get it down on paper or you go crazy
tl;dr I need to learn shorthand
*worded completely differently of course but you get the idea. I’m going be safe and say it’s Shakespeare because it probably is Shakespeare
[Edit] Et une info intéressante (en admettant qu'elle soit fiable) concernant la sécurité du toit de l'hotel :
http://www.ghosttheory.com/2013/06/22/w ... -elisa-lam